Tag Archives: synchroblog

Last words about love

This is the last synchroblog for our team. We have enjoyed these past few years blogging together but have decided to close our synchroblog. One of our regular bloggers has announced that he is going to start up a new synchroblog. You can find his site HERE.
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This month’s synchrblog asks bloggers what they would write about if this was thier last blog.

It’s sort of like asking a person to think about what they would want their last words to be.

As I pondered this idea I knew that I would want my last words to be about love because imo love is the main thing, the biggie, the thing that trumps everything else. If someone was to try and remember something I once said I would like it very much if it was something about love.

So, here are some Last words about love …. from me.

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Loving is risky and requires us to be vulnerable. That’s scary stuff but it is worth it.

People accept the love they think they deserve.

We can love others without loving ourselves but the love or lack of love we have for ourselves does impact the way we love others and the way we receive love from others.

If we hurt someone with our words or actions we shouldn’t demand that they love us well without taking time to regain their trust and demonstrating our love to them in better ways. Forgiveness, regaining trust and being vulnerable enough to love again after a relationship suffers a blow is a process. Love is patient.

The opposite of love isn’t always hate … sometimes it is indifference or silence or polite but meaningless interaction.

When it comes to faith the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Galatians 5:6)

Loving requires us to be generous. Loving is more than a feeling. Love is an action we choose.

If we keep having to declare that our actions are loving we may not be loving well. If what we call love is consistently seen as unloving we have to examine what we are doing and why. We can always justify our actions and words by calling them “tough love” but most of the time if someone consistently feels unloved by us it is because we aren’t loving them well.

Real love is worked out in the details of life. Real love enters the world of another person and feels what it is like to be that person. Real love sees through the eyes of the other. If you want to grow in love focus on the details.

Say “I love you” to your friends and family. Of course our actions mean the most, but adding those three little words to loving actions is a priceless combination. Don’t miss out on the opportunity. And add a hug when you can! The human touch is very important when it comes to showing our love.

Love is powerful – but more than that – love is enough. It gives so many the courage to stand up against injustice and for the goodness and protection of others, it causes us to give generously of ourselves and our possessions, it helps people open themselves up to new understandings and perspectives, it motivates us to check on our neighbors, to give to the poor, to visit the sick, to take care of our children, to build a life with someone. Love changes those who love and those who are loved … and as a result it changes the world.

Spread your love everywhere you go! You won’t regret it. It is worth it. It is enough!

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I hope you will check out the other synchroblog posts this month (I’ll add links as they become available).

K.W. Leslie – Synchrobloggery
Glenn Hager – Parting Shot
Clara Mbamalu – What is love?
Carol Kuniholm – A Final Synchroblog
J. A. Carter – Last Words
Tony Ijeh – Sharing Jesus
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Same Sex Marriage “Stuff” – Part One

This post is part of the July Synchroblog which invites bloggers to post about “Same Sex Marriage.”

As someone who has a gay son and who owns and facilitates a Private Facebook group for more than 500 moms of LGBT kids I have a LOT to say about same sex marriage “stuff.”

In fact, I have so much to say, I don’t know where to start.

But, I guess a good place to start is with my own story about how I went from believing same sex relationships were sinful to believing that condemning same sex relationships is sinful.

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When my son came out he told me he had come to the conclusion that the bible did not condemn loving, committed same sex relationships.

I fully expected to be able to prove him wrong.

I was accustomed to “studying” scripture as I taught women’s bible studies for years. I knew what it meant to dig into original language and consider the historical context of the verses I was studying.

I was shocked to find that my son was right …  none of the “clobber” verses were speaking about a loving, monogamous, healthy same sex relationship.

In fact, after a lot of studying and searching I had to admit there was no sufficient evidence in scripture that “clearly” condemned or supported same sex relationships.

One would have to put their integrity at stake and make scripture say more than it does in order to claim that scripture clearly condemns or supports same sex relationships.

(I could go into greater detail here about what I found and didn’t find in scripture, but instead I would like to share a link to a message by Pastor Stan Mitchell of GracePoint Church in Franklin, TN. The message is “Dialogue On Full Sacramental LGBT Inclusion.” This message includes almost everything I discovered in my own journey. I personally think this should be required listening for all Christians living in 2015 but I will just say “if you are a Christian who loves anyone – ANYONE – who is LGBT, you should take the time to listen to this message right away.”)

In light of discovering there was insufficient evidence in scripture to condemn same sex relationships I then had to ask myself, “What should I do?” and “How should I respond to something if scripture doesn’t clearly condemn or support it?”

The only thing I could think is I needed to find out if there was any evidence to indicate same sex relationships hurt people.

I searched and I couldn’t find that kind of evidence either – in fact, the evidence I discovered showed healthy same sex relationships had the same healthy effect on individuals and society as opposite sex relationships have on individuals and society.

Two more things happened which ended up playing a significant role in my journey.

First, I ran across this quote:

“A traditional religious belief is that “grace builds on nature,” in other words religious life depends on a good foundation in human health. Therefore we can legitimately evaluate the validity of a religious belief system by its psychological consequences. Good theology will result in good psychology and vice versa. Accordingly, bad theology will have negative psychological consequences. This is nothing more than an application of the biblical norm: “You will be able to tell them by their fruits” (Matt. 7:16) If Saint Irenaeus proclaimed, the glory of God is humans FULLY ALIVE [emphasis mine], then clearly a belief system that results in the destruction of human health cannot serve the glory of God.” ~Dr. John J. McNeill

And second, I kept bumping into Micah 6:8:

“He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

The quote by Dr. McNeill made so much sense to me and supported what I had always believed in my heart … which was the tenets and beliefs of Christianity should mostly lead to a person’s health and wholeness. In other words, our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health should all be “better” if we are embracing good theology. Like Dr. McNeill explained, good and right theology should mostly lead to good psychology (good fruit).

As I considered this idea I began to understand that when our theology about something is resulting in a lot of bad fruit or bad psychology – such as hopelessness, depression, self hate and self harm – we have an obligation to re-examine what we believe and ask ourselves why we believe it.

And Micah 6:8 became like a guiding light for my journey. The words reminded me that justice (doing what is right) is a very high priority to God and led me to ask, “What would it look like, in light of what I have discovered, to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God?”

Everything combined together led me to the conclusion that it would be unjust, and lack mercy and humility, to condemn a loving, monogamous same sex relationship.

There was nothing in scripture to clearly mandate the condemnation of same sex relationships, there was no evidence that same sex relationships caused harm to anyone (in fact, the opposite was true) and the theological position of condemning same sex relationships was not producing good psychology (good fruit).

Those things together have given me peace in my heart about being a Christian who affirms same sex relationships. Those things have led me to believe that condemning same sex relationships is a sin.

The transition didn’t happen overnight. Although I was able to see right away that what I had believed wasn’t right, it actually took somewhere between one and two years of study, prayer, learning, listening and thinking for me to officially change my position/belief.

I’ve been accused of letting my love for my son blind me to the truth, but nothing could be further from the truth. My love for my son made me study more than ever, it caused me to ask tougher questions and to carefully consider all the evidence before me. I love my son too much to mislead him in the wrong direction if I can help it.

I’ve been accused of disregarding scripture and the Christian faith, but nothing could be further from the truth. My high view of scripture, my determination to not make scripture say more than it says, my commitment to study in a thorough manner, my deep devotion to being a follower of Christ and to do my best to live into the kind of radical love that he demonstrated and calls me to imitate … those things have led and guided me to where I am today regarding same sex marriage. I do not affirm same sex relationships in spite of my faith. I affirm same sex relationships because of my faith.

And as I have talked to other Christian mothers of LGBT kids I have witnessed them going through the same sort of process … digging deep, not accepting easy answers, wanting to make sure as much as possible.

As mothers our love doesn’t let us off the hook … instead, it is the reason we must be even more resolute and thorough. Our love is that great.

Like I said … I have a LOT to say about same sex marriage “stuff” and this is just the beginning … but I’m a firm believer that blog posts shouldn’t be too long … so stay tuned for part two of “Same Sex Marriage Stuff” coming soon. (Go here for part two)

In the meantime, check out the other July Synchroblog posts about “Same Sex Marriage

Prayer For The Week – Let us be God’s hospitality in the world

I wrote this prayer for the June synchroblog which invited bloggers to write about Christian Hospitality.

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Give us eyes to see the deepest needs of people.

Give us hearts full of love for our neighbors as well as for the strangers we meet.

Help us understand what it means to love others as we love ourselves.

Teach us to care in a way that strengthens those who are sick.

Fill us with generosity so we feed the hungry, clothe the naked and give drink to the thirsty.

Let us be a healing balm to those who are weak and lonely and weary by offering our kindness to them.

May we remember to listen, to smile, to offer a helping hand each time the opportunity presents itself.

Give us hearts of courage that we will be brave enough to risk loving our enemy.

Inspire us to go out of our way to include those in the margins.

Help us to be welcoming and inclusive to all who come to our door.

Let us be God’s hospitality in the world.

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Here is a list of all the links to the other synchroblog posts about hospitality:

A Sacred Rebel – Hospitality

Carol Kuniholme – Violent Unwelcome. Holy Embrace.

Glen Hager – Aunt Berthie

Leah Sophia – welcoming one another

Mary – The Space of Hospitality

Jeremy Myers – Why I Let a “Murderer” Live in My House

Loveday Anyim – Is Christian Hospitality a Dead Way of Life?

Tony Ijeh – Is Hospitality Still a Vital Part of Christianity Today?

Clara Ogwuazor Mbamalu – Have we replaced Hospitality with Hostility?

Liz Dyer – Prayer For The Week – Let us be God’s hospitality in the world

K.W. Leslie – Christian Hospitality

Christine Sine – True Hospitality – What Does It Look Like?

Put Your Mask On First

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This post is part of the February Synchroblog “Renewal”

I run across a lot of people who wear their exhaustion, lack of sleep, over scheduled life as a badge of honor and more times than not the excuse is connected to them taking care of others … their kids, parents, friends, spouse, neighbor, the sick, poor, imprisoned, orphaned.

It’s good to care for others but we can’t offer much, for long, if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

When you fly on an airplane, flight attendants always tell you to “put your oxygen mask on first” before trying to help others. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen you will not be able to help anyone else.

Putting on our mask first is a great metaphor for reminding us to take time to care for ourselves so we are healthy enough to help others.

We need to be renewed daily or else we risk becoming burned out, over stressed, anxious or extremely fatigued which can result in physical, emotional and mental health issues.

Two basic things we must do daily is make sure we get enough rest and eat healthy … however, we need more than that to be whole and healthy. Getting enough rest and eating healthy keep us renewed physically but doesn’t meet our emotional, mental and spiritual needs which are just as important to our well being.

I’m a people person so spending time with my family each day helps to keep me refreshed – but spending time with them is not the same as doing things for them – so, each day I try to make sure we have some time to just be together … talking, laughing, sharing a meal together are enough to make a huge difference.

I also try to get together with good friends several times a month. Spending some leisure time with close friends, sharing our stories and listening to one another, laughing together, encouraging each other and caring for one another are all things that renew me emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.

Some other things that are like a breath of fresh air to me include reading a good novel, listening to uplifting music, having a good laugh, being physically active and engaging in a creative activity.

I don’t think the problem is a lack of things that can help us as much as the fact that we get busy and end up not taking the time to do the things that can help us. We have to be intentional about caring for ourselves just the way we are intentional about caring for others.

Part of being intentional includes us taking the time to identify what works for us … to build a menu of things that are like oxygen for us.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Clean, fresh air

2. Exercise/movement

3. Meaningful relationship

4. Fulfilling career

5. Rest and relaxation

6. Spiritual practice

7. Creative hobbies

And remember … it isn’t selfish to take care of yourself first … it is the responsible and loving thing to do. So, put your mask on first!

What is it that renews you?

Be sure and check out the other February Synchroblog posts:

Abbie Waters – It is Well with My Soul

Done With Religion – Renewal

Mark Votova – 30 Ways the Church Can Find Renewal

Jeremy Myers – I am Dying … (So I Can Live Again)

Phil Lancanster – The Parable of the Classic Car

Susan Schiller – Renewal by Design

Glenn Hager – Repurposed

Wesley Rostoll – Why I no longer pray for revival

Liz Dyer – Put Your Mask On First

Clara Ogwuazor-Mbamalu – Renewal of the Spirit

K. W. Leslie – Those who wait on the Lord

Lisa Brown – Momma’s Kick Off Your Shoes and Stay For A While!

Jenom Makama – …Like An Antivirus

Leah – Renewal!

Peggy – Abi and the February 2015 Synchroblog – Renewal

Why are American churches still so racially segregated?

This month synchrobloggers were invited to write about “Race and Violence and Why We Need to Talk About It.

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As I thought about the questions from this month’s synchroblog theme and recent events, such as the one in Ferguson, I began to reflect on the lack of racial diversity in American churches and wondered if things might be different if our churches were more integrated.


Would we be having more and better conversations if our churches weren’t so segregated?

Would there be less racial prejudice if there was more diversity in our faith communities?

Would it help eliminate some of the violence, fear, marginalization, demonization that exists in our society if our faith communities were racially integrated?

 

On March 31, 1968, a few short days before his assassination, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., preached at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. and spoke a phrase he had used on a number of occasions and which by now, almost 50 years later, has gained a hard proverbial ring:

“Eleven o’clock on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour of America.”

According to a recent study not much has changed. The study found that churches are as racially segregated today as they have ever been in the history of our country.

Why are American churches still so racially segregated?

Why aren’t churches working harder to achieve racial diversity?

Do you think the racial segregation that exists in American churches is harmful?

Do you think we can have true racial integration in our country if we persist in remaining segregated in the worship experience on Sundays, even when we share the same religious beliefs that teach otherwise?

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Check out the other September synchroblog posts:

 

Human Connection and the Power of Empathy

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This post is part of the August synchroblog and the theme is “connection”.

When I think about connection I am reminded that significant, deep, meaningful connection with others is what I want most out of life. I think it is what most people desire. And yet there are times when we find the pursuit of connection daunting.

Brene’ Brown, who researches, writes, teaches and speaks on a range of topics, including connection, vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame says,

“Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives,”

She goes on to define connection as:

“the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

In her books, Brown develops the idea that creating the kind of life giving connection that we are wired for requires empathy and then she drops this on us:

“we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.”

Boom! There’s the problem, isn’t it!?

In order to experience the kind of connection that we long for we are going to have to put ourselves out there. We are going to have to be vulnerable and take some risks. We are going to have to share our own fears and failings and fragilities.

And we can’t substitute sympathy for empathy. Sympathy isn’t a bad thing – it just doesn’t lead to the deep, meaningful connections we long for – for that we are going to need to “feel with people”.

Here’s the difference in sympathy and empathy:

Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. 

The RSA (Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce), an enlightenment organisation committed to finding innovative practical solutions to today’s social challenges, created a great animated short that uses Brene’ Brown’s commentary about empathy and how it leads to connection:

If we can learn to be vulnerable enough to risk practicing empathy we open up the potential to experience the kind of life giving, whole hearted, healing connection we long for.

Empathy is connection!

Be sure and check out these other posts for this month’s synchroblog:

Jerry Wirtley – Connection
Sara Quezada – Can You Really Know Someone In A Different Language?
Ford – Interindependence
Michael Donahoe – Connection
Minnow – Our Dis-Connect
Justin Steckbauer – Connection in Love, it’s what Life is all about!
Carol Kuniholm – Disengagement and Connection
Wesley Rostoll – Finding Jesus In Different Places
Doreen A Mannion – A bunny, a fawn and some geese walk into a bar …
Leah Sophia – Touch of Life
Karen “Charity” Aldrich – Wuv True Wuv
Abbie Watters – Connection – Addicted to the Buzz
Liz Dyer – Human Connection and the Power of Empathy
Loveday Anyim – Why Get Connected to God when He can’t be there for Me?

Dear Me

This post is part of the June Synchroblog which asks the question “what would you tell your younger self if you could travel back in time?” So, without further ado, here you go …

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Nothing mind blowing here – in fact, I feel like I have known these things all of my life, although it took a long time for me to “really” believe them.

My younger self would probably say, “tell me something I don’t know, like where to invest my money and who to marry!”

Yet, these are the things I would share with the hopes that my younger self would “get it” a lot sooner than I did …

1) You are enough! No, seriously, you are! So stop doubting yourself and get on with being “you”! Don’t waste any more time trying to be what you think others want you to be. Be you and enjoy it! You will be loved and accepted as you are! No, not by everyone – but there will be “enough” love and acceptance. So, believe in yourself! You are smart enough – you are good enough – you are pretty enough – you are enough!

PS Other people are also enough! Let them be who they are – give them lots of space and encouragement to be themselves!

2) Take more risks! Don’t just do the things that you know you are good at … do the things that you are passionate about – the things you dream of doing. Sure, you might have a few more failures but who knows what you might succeed at … and a few failures here and there make for a good story.

3) Give up perfectionism! Being perfect is way over-rated! AND it’s impossible to achieve! You will only end up frustrating yourself and others. Lower your expectations of yourself, others, even God! Relax a little more! Breathe deep several hundred times in a day! Spend more time in the present! You really don’t want to miss a thing!

4) Think for yourself! Don’t believe anything until you have thought about it, examined it, pondered it, studied it, argued against it and finally deemed it worthy to believe! No matter who said it or endorsed it! No matter how many people believe it or how long it has been believed! No matter how many times you have heard it! Think for yourself!

5) Always! Always! Always! stand up for what you believe in … while at the same time Always! Always! Always! take into consideration that you might be wrong about what you believe! So live out what you believe with conviction but hang on to enough humility to be able to receive new information. Your beliefs will change over time and it doesn’t have to be so hard when that happens.

6) Invest $50 in the stock market every month. Eat out less – buy a few less clothes – go out one less night a month. You can do it and it will be worth it!

7) Intentionally create stillness and quiet into your life. Learn to meditate and do it regularly. Go for walks or ride a bike alone. Sit and daydream. These things will open up the creative juices inside of you like nothing else. This is how you will discover the best ideas that are living inside of you. This will be one of the most important aspects to becoming a whole, healthy, happy person. Start immediately!

8) Trust your gut! You really can know what you should do, what job to take, who to date, what to purchase etc. That doesn’t mean you have to decide quickly. Take your time and think about it, gather information – but in the end trust your gut. You will know – so trust yourself!

9) Worry less! It doesn’t help. Think about what needs to happen and make a plan and do it … but stop worrying about it.

10) More often than not LOVE is the answer! I know it sounds cliche but it is true. Love is what matters and more times than not it is what wins in the end. It’s hard to explain but trust me on this one. Don’t ever give up on love! Give it, receive it, embrace it, practice it! LOVE LOVE LOVE! LOVE ON!

Be sure and check out the other synchroblog posts!